Sunday, May 07, 2006

The Jeff Lorber Show

Has anybody ever seen the Jeff Lorber Show aka as Jeff Lorber's Model Call on Queens Public TV (QPTV).

Jeff Lorber is a really weird looking guy, with a crooked face, big glasses, and huge teeth that tend to come out of his mouth from time to time. He stands in different neighborhoods with a sign, which reads "Jeff Lorber's Model Call", and tries desperately to get all girls passing on the road to model for his show.

This desperation starts to get humorous, as you keep seeing close ups of this guy's strange face, followed by his ramblings. At times he carries this giant bra and gets people to touch it and do silly things with it. Sometimes it’s a bit boring, but sometimes lots of funny things happen.

It's sort of like an improv where just about everything is done spontaneously.

However, whatever information I looked up for Jeff Lorber was all negative. Many people seemed outraged that he actually had his own TV show that reached many viewers. Their common comments were "how does a guy like that, get on TV' or "That guy is really pathetic", "Jeff Lorber is mentally disturbed".

Well thank God a guy like that got on Public Access TV!! Jeff Lorber is not pathetic but is apathetic to the people that are near him, as he bulldozes himself around with his large sign that reads "Jeff Lorber's Model Call".

Is Jeff Lorber really mentally disturbed? Well it's hard to say who is and who isn't in this world. I've always thought the mentally disturbed were the beings that glorify shows such as "Big Sluts in the City", "You have No Enthusiasm because you are a whining old bald man", and "Fatso's eating spaghetti". Aaaah.... Can u guess what shows I am talking about?

But anyway, let me not stray away from the point, I shall discuss those un-original shows and the steady decline of quality entertainment on mainstream Television in another blog entry.

The Jeff Lorber Show is truly unique in that it is the Jeff Lorber Show. Nobody could copy it, because Jeff Lorber has his own trademark, his own uniqueness and his own personality. His jokes don't follow any standard formula as seen on Comedy Central. He just rambles and gets really excited over the things he says. So if you are used the standard, the mundane and the boring and don’t' have eye to pick out the amusing, the interesting and the odd, then the Jeff Lorber Show is not for you.

My favorite scene from the Jeff Lorber show is as follows -
He clumsily attempts to put money in a parking meter while still holding this giant bra. He starts saying something sarcastic to the effect of
"Yeah, Bloomberg is really good, he lets us do this..."
as he toys with the parking meter. Then he gets completely distracted and pauses in mid sentence as 3 hasidic jews round the corner walking robotically in unison.

They were wearing, a yamaoka (that thing on their head) and the white straps (religious threads) dangling from under their shirts. He appeared to be excited and kind of amused at their appearance.

He shouts out in glee "Hey, look I could put something on my head too".
He then puts the giant bra on his head and points excitedly "Look at me, I could be like you!"

He says it in a very comical manner. The 3 hasidic jews walked briskly but paused 0.1 of a second to look.

Suddenly Jeff Lorber gets a bit scared and very somberly says quickly to the camera "Oops, I can get into trouble for that one!"

That was the best improv I have seen him do on the show so far. I laugh to this day when I play back that little scene in my big head.

Other funny things that Jeff Lorber has said were

"I've been unemployed for 15 years"

"I haven't been on a date for 6 years"

Another funny incident from his show occurred at the over-rated Victoria Secrets store. By the way, it's completely ridiculous to spend 50 bucks on an undergarment unless you are super rich or you feel like furnishing the salary of the un-talented Tyra Banks. Wrapping oneself in aluminum foil is a much more appealing and glamorous look..

Anyway, the guard at this very over-rated Victoria Secret underwear Store ushered Jeff Lorber out of the parking lot because he tried to talk to a cardboard Mannequin to be on his show. hehee.

A while back, I have stumbled into stores after too much wine and struck up conversations with various mannequins about how expensive the garments are. Talking to inanimate objects is a very enjoyable experience.

Aside from that, a very beautiful model girl (Lana Piryan) comes on his show regularly. Her character doesn't speak English and she screams and shouts at Jeff Lorber, and to people on the street in a different language. She too is very funny and is good at comedic improvisations. I wonder what ever happened to Lana?

Anyway, Jeff Lorber also has a nerdy guy who frequents the show regularly with a rubber chicken that he carries. This guy gets beaten by the beautiful model girl with the rubber chicken.

I wonder what happened to Jeff Lorber. All his shows are repeats. I wonder if he is dead?

Because I could not find any pictures of the Jeff Lorber Show, I did a little cartoon sketch of his show just for fun.

Jeff Lorber's Model Call
The Jeff Lorber's Model Call Show on qptv  Lana Piryan and Rubber Chicken dude

Standing from left to right:
Jeff Lorber, Beautiful Model Girl(Lana Piryan aka Piriyan), Nerdy guy with rubber chicken.

His show Airs Weekly on Queens Public Television (mainly repeats)

Also if you do enjoy watching Queens Public TV, why not check out my show as well.
The name of it is Ms. Divine's Tee Hee Heure Its a one lady sketch comedy variety show.
It airs weekly

Queens Public TV (QPTV)

Saturdays-- 07:00PM -- Chn 56
Verizon Fios 36, RCN 84, TWC 56

Sundays-- 01:30PM -- Chn 79
Verizon Fios 35, RCN 83, TWC 35

Brooklyn Public TV (BCAT)
Mondays -- 6:30PM -- Chn 34
Verizon 42, RCN 82, Cablevision 67

Manhattan Network TV (MNN)
Mondays -- 10:30PM -- Chn 67
Verizon 36, RCN 85, TWC 67

Visit my website at for more details about me.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Ms Divine,

Do you really want to know about Jeff Lorber?

It's not a very interesting story, but he is a prime example of what happened to a '70 stoner in Bayside.

There are people who've know him, many for over 30 years, who would love to blog about him... the Good, the Bad and the ugly!

It might be fun, No big wow... Let me know.

5:32 PM  
Blogger Ms. Divine said...

Hi there,
I don't care to know who Jeff Lorber is personally.

But from an entertainment point of view, he is interesting to watch on tv.

Who knows and who cares what he does in real life..

10:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Didn't you say...

I wonder what happened to Jeff Lorber. All his shows are repeats. I wonder if he is dead?

Now you say...

I don't care to know who Jeff Lorber is personally.

It is a sorry state of affairs if this is this how much the QPTV crowd cares about eachother?

Pathetic and mentally disturbed...

Yes, if a person has so little validation in his/her life that they are compelled to renew their 15 minutes of fame by paying an obscure Public Access TV Station to rerun sad proof of their inadequacies in 1/2 hour increments.

You also said...

Is Jeff Lorber really mentally disturbed? Well it's hard to say who is and who isn't in this world.

To this I say, you have some hard lessons heading your way, Your trite statement holds no water in 2006

I really didn't start all this to argue with you so now that I had my say...
Good Night and Good Luck, Ms Divine

10:15 PM  
Blogger Ms. Divine said...

I have no idea why you are trying to argue with me.

I wonder what happened to Jeff Lorber, meant simply I wonder what happened to Jeff Lorber. I really don't care what he does in his personal life but am curious to know what sort of creative projects he is involved in.
You are just reading too much into this.

If you have something against Jeff Lorber, then spit it out.
But sheessh... No need to nit pick at my words...
I guess you know he has reruns because you have been watching every single episode... hehehee.

10:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish Jeff Lorber would put out new shows too. He's about the best thing on QPTV.

5:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


2:44 PM  

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