Anastasia is Abandoned

Anastasia is Abandoned - "The Sweet Song Bird"

Play Anastasia's Diary Entry

Dear Diary,
So much has happened since I’ve last spoken to you. I shall now update you and tell you everything that has happened in my life, including my deepest and darkest of secrets.
As I was going about my usual activities one of which included measuring each strand of my hair, I felt a pair of gentle eyes watching me. I turned around only to see that these eyes belonged to a little bird that had perched itself quite comfortably on my window sill.

This bird had a most unusual appearance. It was covered with velvet-like blue feathers. Upon taking a closer look, I noticed that some of its feathers were fluorescent.
Hmm…. How remarkable! It is not often one sees a bird that glows in dark. It even had a few feathers missing from the top of its head.
Perhaps it lost it in some battle. I couldn’t help but admire this handsome bird. It must have belonged to a rare species of bird that was believed to be extinct, for I had never seen a bird as exquisite as this before.

Days passed and this lovely creature would continually watch me with its gentle eyes. And soon I incorporated its visits in my daily routine. Then one day, this bird opened its beak and started to sing. Oh dear diary, I was so surprised. Never have I heard such lovely singing before. This birds singing emanated from deep within its soul.

Happiness is something that is so foreign to me, but I Anastasia actually felt happy to hear such glorious melodic tweets. I tried to open my window just so that I can touch this handsome bird, or even let it fly in my room a bit. But the window was rusty and jammed shut!! I tried very hard to pry the window open with this metal crowbar, but it just wouldn’t budge.
But, the bird never stopped visiting me and would faithfully perch itself on my window sill flooding my ear drums with beautiful song.

What a lovely tweet this sweet song bird had. I soon developed an unusual bond with this bird and regarded it as my new special friend.
One day, the little bird stopped singing!!! I dropped all my activities and ran to the window sill to see if someone had harmed my song bird. The bird was motionless and as I looked closer, I could swear it had a tear in those gentle eyes.

“Why do you not want to sing to me anymore, my darling?” I asked.

The bird ignored me and to my surprise swiftly turned around and flew off into the sky, without even bidding me goodbye. The abruptness of this birds departure struck me like a rock smashed on my head. That’s how stunned I was.

“Come back, little bird, come back!” I screamed, but the bird still kept on flying.

I then realized that perhaps it was the window that had discouraged the bird. We were close to each other but still separated at the same time.
Without hesitation, I smashed the window with my metal crowbar. The unpleasant sound of shattering glass is something that made my ears so sore.
Nevertheless I climbed out of the window and stood barefoot on the ledge, that was now covered with broken glass.
My feet started to bleed but I did not care. I wanted my sweet song bird back.
The bird was still visible in the sky.

“Why? Why have you abandoned me? Why? Why have you abandoned me????”

This I screamed 10 times each shout louder than the last one until my voice was hoarse.

The bird paid no heed to my desperate shouts and flew on its own way without even looking behind.
The feeling of abandonment gnawed my insides. The thought of this song bird perched on the window sills of others and singing into the ears of others made me cringe with bitter anger!

This song bird belonged to me and the only window sill it is allowed to sit on is mine!
To put it simply if I cannot have this song bird, then no one can have the privilege of this bird perching on a their window sill.

Preparing a poisonous bait is a very enjoyable process. I obtained the most succulent of fresh fruit and injected each fruit with sweet poison. I bought the highest quality bird seed and blended it with silky powdery poison. The poison was not concentrated to kill but enough to render the song bird unconscious.
Once unconscious, I planned to cut its wings of with my new pointy scissors. And we all know a wingless bird can never abandon me again……..
And as a double precaution, I planned to lock this wingless creature in a cage I had recently acquired.
Now this song bird can sing for me and me alone!!!

Oh dear diary, I felt so proud of myself. What an elaborate ingenious plan, I Anastasia had constructed. I placed all the freshly prepared bait on my window sill and waited in eager anticipation of this creatures arrival.
While waiting, I stared at my shiny scissors and imagined all sorts of angles to cut this birds wings off with!
Just when I decided a 45 degree angle would be most appropriate, I looked at my reflection in the blade of the scissors and wondered -
How could I imprison the one thing that made me feel so free?

I started to doubt my actions. I had killed and tortured many before, during my days in Siberia. But that was different; I had to kill those ugly humans, because their mission was to imprison me. If I captured this bird, then I would be no different than those humans who tried to make me their slave.
I felt ashamed of myself. How could I have come up with such a foolish plan?
I disposed of all the bait, cleaned my window sill and placed a small flower pot on it.
I miss this little song bird for up to this day, it never has returned. I still shudder each time that feeling of abandonment passes thru me……..
But how could I Anastasia expect to have this bird come back to me?
After all, it was I who did have evil thoughts against this sweet song bird. It was forced to abandon me for my cold life would not be a good home for it.
And we all know that tropical birds survive best in warmth and sunshine.

But at least I still have fond memories of this sweet song bird. In fact its melodic tweets play in my head everyday like a magical record player that never stops.
During my days in the Siberian prison there used to be an old rusty plaque on the wall that read -
If you love something set it free, if it comes back its yours and if it does not, it never was.
I never did like that saying but the only way I will know how true that is, is when I am lying on my deathbed.
And if then that sweet song bird does come back to me, then at least I can die knowing that it did belong to me.

Anastasia.




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